Thoughts

Another post that I forgot to publish!

It surprises me how little there is to write about in the winter.  My life has a routine to it: get up, feed the animals, go to work, go home, fix dinner, do dishes, sew. That kind of makes me sad. I’m not sure why – I like every thing that I do.  It is dark when I get home from work so except for on weekends, I don’t get to see my goats, chickens and pony – only their silhouette against my headlamp when I care for them in the morning.  

But there is something to be said about the bone-chilling January February nights. When it is perfectly acceptable to put on jammies, grab a mug of something warm, and cuddle under a quilt with your favorite dog.  There’s something about being safely inside an old, old house with the foundation built of logs while the wind is whistling outside.  Even having to slosh outside in the middle of the night to toss some wood in the furnace isn’t so bad if you know there’s a warm spot waiting for you when you come back inside. 

I honestly haven’t had too many nights where I collapsed on the coach with my little dog and just stayed there.  For the past year, I’ve been working hard on making – and finishing- quilts.  And I’ve been enjoying it.  My latest project with is nearly done, uses colors that are not normally my preferred palette.  But I think I’m going to like it very much.  The next quilt will be for my daughter – an ocean waves quilt. It will be made of memories of past trips to the ocean as well as in honor of the path she hopes to follow in marine science.  I hope that when she looks at this quilt, she will remember all the fun times we’ve had at the beach. There's just something about a quilt.

 

Winter Wonderland

There are strange and mysterious sounds
When the winds of winter blow,
The long nights are crystal clear and cold,
And the fields and meadows are covered with snow.
The stars are frosty against the sky,
And the wind's whistle is shrill,
As the snow blows against the house
And drifts against the hill.
Yet, I like to see during the winter
A white carpet on the ground,
To plod aimlessly in the deep snow,
where deer tracks abound.
I like to feel the stillness
Of a crisp winter's night,
Watching a full moon rise over the horizon,
Exposing a winter wonderland beautiful and bright.

Joseph T. Renaldi

Prep work.

I went to a quilting retreat last November.  The project for the weekend was a bargello quilt - very beautiful and nothing I've ever really wanted to do.  But the quilt included maple leaves which evened out the bargello that I didn't like.  I didn't like bargello because it looks complicated (it is!) and I never attempted one.  So being that the retreat was being held in a most gorgeous mansion with meals included, I felt that maybe making a bargello wouldn't be so bad.

Another reason that I took the plunge was because my mother-in-law showed me a picture of a bargello wall quilt that she really liked.  I thought she wanted to make one but after thinking about it, I figured that maybe it would be nice if I made her one.

So I attended the retreat and found that the bargello wasn't so difficult if one kept track of the rows of quilt blocks.  I felt that my project wasn't half bad.  So I decided that I would indeed make my mother in law a wall quilt like the one she found in the book.  Because I had a few projects underway, I wasn't able to jump into the project.  It has now been 3 months and I've decided to do a quick wall hanging for Valentine's Day using bargello instructions.  We'll see how it goes.  Reading  the instructions makes my head want to fall off.  I do much better if I am able to do and see how things work.

So since I wasn't able to get that photo uploaded in time to post this when I wrote it, I've gone ahead and finished the wallhanging.  Just as expected, it was easy to do once I had the fabric cut out and could see what I was doing.  So there we go......now just to quilt it.

What happens at home.

So I've been feeling not so great the past day or two - sick enough that I really shouldn't venture too far from home.  I honestly was concerned as to whether my dogs would allow me to get any rest during the day.  I should not have been concerned. Not in the least.  The photos here show the extent of the canine activity in the house today.

The only thing stirring was the mouse.  The mouse who, despite having six cats, still lives quite comfortably in my kitchen.

So I have figured out how to add new pictures to my blog.  I am thrilled.  For some reason, I hate to write if there are no photos - even when the photos have absolutely nothing to do with the blog content.

Perfection

I belong to a couple of different Facebook groups where members share ideas, provide support and show photos of their finished or in progress quilts.  It is amazing how many - a majority - of the posters preface their message with disclaimers of imperfection.  I cringe when I read "I know this isn't perfect but..." or "try not to look at the mistakes" when sharing a picture of one of their creations.  I am guilty of this as well.  When I think of where we are, the tools we now have in terms of quilt designs such as rotary cutters and computer-aided design in comparison to the cardboard templates, pencils and scissors, I've no doubt where this need for perfection comes.  Which is sad because a person's creation is a work of perfection in itself.  I saw something on TV that showed a new technology that allows a person to draw on paper and have that design appear on a computer screen which allows the design to be manipulated in such a way that it is perfect.  That would be awesome for me considering every attempt i make to draw a person more resembles a chicken.  And that is not an exaggeration.  Let's face it - not everyone is the same type of artist.  If my chicken-people could be computer-adjusted to look like a human, then that unique part of my "style" is gone.  My art is no longer my own - it is just another computer generated design that can be copied by hundreds of other quilters.
I make mistakes.  I piece things together wrong and don't notice until the whole thing is quilted.  But that is the beauty and the uniqueness of my quilts.  For the sake of art, I hope that in the pursuit of perfection - we don't lose our art.

Hello 2015!

I don't do New Years resolutions......I'm no more likely to stick to something on the first of January than I am any other time of year.  However, I've decided to make a couple of changes.  Possibly.  I am making a concentrated effort to find something enjoyable to occupy my time for at least 10 minutes each day.  Something that does not involve my kids.  As I've been whining about for a while now, my two middle daughters will be graduating from high school this year and will be moving on to college.  I'm not exactly looking forward to that.  I'll miss them.  A lot.  Life without them in the house next fall is going to be drastically different.  I am slowly making peace with that by returning to some of the activities I've enjoyed in the past.  Devoting time to quilting has been the biggest change - I've been trying to do some aspect of it every day and that has worked well.  I'm looking forward to a quilting retreat next fall.  I may even join a local quilt guild although I'm not much of a joiner and people pretty much irritate me most all of the time.  I know that's a lousy thing to say but it is true.  I am a counselor and I meet with students all the time.  I talk with students all of the time because it is part of my job.  I enjoy it but for an introvert, all of that talking is absolutely exhausting!  And exhaustion for me shows up as irritability.

The other change I hope to make is to accept myself for who I am.  Which seems to change minute to minute, day to day sometimes.  I see what other people accomplish and I feel like a loser.  I'm not a loser - I know that (just ask my dog!) but sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing enough.  Many times I know I'm not doing enough.

If there is to be a third change - and this suspiciously sounds like a resolution - it would be to just feel free to laugh.  Not many people get my sense of humor, which makes me laugh harder, which makes me seem even more strange.  But what the hell.  Laughing is good.

And finally, I need to figure out how to access my photos so that I can include them on my blog.  That is why I don't write much anymore.  I have two accounts - one where my pictures are and one for my blog.  And I can't combine the two.  Ugh.  I'll figure something out.

Happy New Year!

Important words

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

 Mark Twain   

My dream was to have a farm.  Despite family members questioning my sanity, I achieved my dream - although I would say that my little menagerie of animals would hardly be considered a farm.

I had visions of goat milk soap, goat milk fudge, fresh eggs.........I did everything but the fudge.  I don't like fudge.  I've had a horse - still have a pony. I've had lamas and a cow.  I still like the idea of a farm.  And wooden outbuildings.  And fences and gates.

But I'm tired.  Not physically tired but mentally tired.   It just seems as everything is changing so fast. I have so many things I want to do that I just don't know where to start. A lot of it has to do with all the activities the kids are involved in. And I'm trying to cram all of these things in.  I want to experience and savor all of it because after this year, there will be no more.  

So what is it that I need to do now? So that I won't be disappointed in twenty years? Good question. Frankly, I just need to focus on now. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow.  I need to find my passion again.

One thing I’ve learned during the first half of my life is that anger – unexpressed, kept inside, never spoken,never allowed to burn off –is useless.  All that it does is make the person holding the anger miserable.  It usually doesn’t bother the person to whom the anger is directed in the least.  Unless, of course, that person is your mother (not my mother - just to clarify). 

People screw up.  Good people screw up, bad people screw up.  It’s inevitable.  Most humans don’t get a redo of their life.  So the ‘right things’ done when one is in their 20’s, may have been the worst things to do in retrospect.  That saying ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life’? Well, it is true.  One can decide to be miserable and hang on to old grudges – which will never change what has been, what is, or what will be.  Or one can decide to begin  a new day. Simply. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad or wishing that life had unfolded a little differently.  When we view other’s choices through our own lens, we have the privilege of seeing the whole picture which is decidedly different than the view at the time. 

So if you are upset, angry, resentful……..that’s on you.  I’m sure that whomever you are upset, angry, or resentful with, is more sorry than you could ever know.  None of this changes anything. Life goes on. Be happy. Get over it.

Sunsets, dogs and creepers.

 So last night I heard an interesting perspective. I've always tried to make myself better, make myself more, etc.....and have been sorely disappointed because I'm just not that good.  What I heard last night was about taking away those things about yourself that don't measure up to who you should/want to be.  I took it to mean that I am already the good person I want to be, I just have a whole lot of nasty stuff I need to pick off to get to that good person.  That is a game changer for me. It is easier for me to wrap my mind around this and not feel like I am failing each day that I don't live up to my standards!

It is amazing how just restating something differently can make all the differences in the world.  It doesn't mean that this time next week, next month or next year, I won't still be trying to pick off the things that don't belong but at least it is easier for me to understand!

 

All the animals are doing well.  Casper, my deaf white boxer, is still naughty.  He is still in love with me too!  He really is a sweet dog but he just has this mischievous streak about a mile long! 

In the middle bottom window, you can see the neighbor watching. He is always watching. Sometimes with binoculars.

What country kids do.

I did grow up in a country-ish location. A small town actually. Had I known that one day I would be attending and really enjoying tractor pulls, well.....I never would have believed it.  I never really cared for lawn tractors.  A couple of reasons for that - 1. it meant mowing the lawn, 2. my mother was the queen of lawn mowing and even if I had wanted to, she still loves to mow the lawn and never really had a chance to develop a loving relationship with lawn mowing tools, and 3. ever since hearing a horrible story at church camp of a kid who cut off his foot with a lawnmower, I've always been kind of scared of them. 

But there is a culture around lawn tractors! Seriously! I've seen lawn tractors costing around $10,000.. Run on alcohol...souped up to be louder than an airboat!  At these tractor pulls which are generally held out in the middle of nowhere, there are little kids, big kids, adults - men and women.  There are grandmas and grandpas sitting on the sidelines watching the kids drag a weighted wagon as far as their wheels will go - or their engines will stay in gear - down the dirt track. 

This is serious business but such a fun time! I love it because you never know who is going to win. Size doesn't matter here.  A 7-year-old girl can easily beat at 14-year-old boy.  The fancy, shiny new tractor may come in last! Everyone has a chance.  And is it colorful!!!  Green John Deere, red International Harvester, yellow Cub Cadets, blue....well, whatever tractor is blue - not to mention the more unique custom-painted tractors. 

And it is a community - we start out with the Pledge of Allegiance.  From youngest to oldest, the caps come off the head, the hands over the hearts and we salute our flag - Under God.  There's great food and pop and lights and grass to sit on.  It puts lawn mowers in new perspective.  Oh, and at a tractor pull?????  Don't call them lawn mowers!

Two years.

I have a bunch of great pictures of my animals, plants and other beautiful things. Unfortunately I can't figure out how to connect them from the account where they are located to my blog.  I am sure that I will figure it out eventually.  The top photo is of the beautiful white tulips growing beside my house.They looks cream colored in theis pic but they truly are Snow White.  The second is of the swollen  creek at the bottom of our hill.  We have had a lot A LOT of rain lately and our creek rose over its banks.  Which is nice, because we need the rain. But which also sucks because I feel like we will never get the fence around the pasture completed.

I;ve been doing  a lot of quilting lately.  Taking a break tonight even though I had originally planned to finish at least a couple of blocks for my Dear Jane quilt.  I am allowing myself a pity party: two years tomorrow my dad passed away.  I am also just dreading, absolutely dreading, my daughters' turning 17 and experiencing so many lasts.  ie. the last Cross Country meet, last soccer season, etc.  After tonight though, the pity party stops andI will start celebrating the time we have remaining in high school and all the blessings that are sure to come as they grow into young women.  Meanwhile, my youngest son has agreed to live with me always. I am in the process of drawing up a contract for him to sign.

Eventually I will figure out how to link my newer photos here.  Life was much easier when I didn't have a phone or an ipad on which to store photos.  It was easier when I would just load pictures from my camera right onto the computer.  But as I can see, every thing changes.  My kids, my life, my blog.

Oh. Dear Jane

So this is what I've been doing lately.  I've always wanted to do a Dear Jane quilt and I finally signed up for a block of the month for a rainbow Dear Jane. I am truly spreading my wings......I used to hate paper piecing but over the past couple of months, I've had lots of opportunities to practice.  And I didn't give up.  As a result, I love the preciseness of paper piecing and may even finish the paperpieced Christmas tree skirt I started for my brother and his family many years ago!

But that's what I've been doing.  I've also had some challenges how to get my photos loaded into my blog but I seem to have it figured out.  I have lots of pictures to share: we are in the process of having a new, strong fence built around the pasture which will give the goats and Clover a lot more room to roam.  I am even thinking about buying one or two more mininubians - I really miss the goat milk and the cheese.

So I'm slowly getting back into the things I used to love to do.  One of them being writing in my blog.