Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Happy 4th!

 I spent this 4th of July with my dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, pony, and goat. It was so incredibly hot and humid - nearly unbearable! Thank goodness for a cool creek, a covered deck, and lots of fans!

These days I'm feeling quite restless - like most other people I suppose. I've lost much of the faith I've found over the past few years. I don't really like how I feel right now but I know that these feelings will pass.

June was a month of crazy, crazy news: good news, enlightening news, scary news. . . . .  There has been so much change this year already that I'm not ready to deal with more.  I want things to be stable for a little while. 

It's important that I keep myself grounded at times like this and it is getting harder and harder to do.  I'm happy enough but I'm feeling a shift in things. I need to keep in mind that I have many things to hold on to and there is really no need for me to be scared or nervous. 

Until I feel as if I'm on solid ground, I know that I have my family - both human and animal.

Thursday, July 2, 2020

The wayward cat returns.

 Pappy Decker actually returned over 2 weeks ago. Standing on my deck, talking to my daughter, I heard a familiar meow - lo and behold! There was Pappy Decker sashaying across the yard.  I ran down the steps, sat down, called him and he immediately ran to me, purring loudly all the way. 

I wish I could say that the other cats were as thrilled as I was to have him home but that would be a lie.  The 'girls' were not impressed at all and there was a lot of hissing and growling the first few nights.  It was as if they didn't know Pappy Decker at all!

Thursday, June 4, 2020

Comfort in Needles

Some handwork that I'm doing

  Not that kind of needle.  Sewing needles. I've never tried the other kind.....well, until recently.  I sliced my thigh open with a very sharp seam ripper about 2 weeks ago.  I don't know what kind of needle was used, but 8 stitches were used to sew me up and some kind of needle was used to make my leg numb.  

But then, that kind of needle did actually give me comfort too.  I just don't want to make a habit of it.  Today was day #3,465 in captivity and I am in no hurry to get out.  In fact the more I stay in, the more I want to stay in.  I've been experiencing mild panic attacks when I drive more than a few miles away from home which, fortunately, I don't have to do very often.

My early birthday gift to me: a wicker sewing basket

There is something about the tools used in hand sewing that just gives me comfort and calms me: thimbles, needles, thread, those little tomato pin cushions... .I love them all.  I'm not sure why it is but it has always been that way.  I remember when I was a little girl, I used to love to look at the crafts section in the Worldbook Encyclopedias that we had.  The section - it may have fallen under folk art - included quilting, dollmaking, patchwork, etc.  It just always fascinated me that something so beautiful could be made with such few and so little tools.  I remember that my grandparents bought me a wicker sewing basket for Christmas or for my birthday and I used to carry that thing around with everything I needed to make clothes for my Barbie dolls.  To this day, if I'm in a fabric store, I always have to check out the sewing baskets.  For a little early birthday gift to myself, I just bought a wicker sewing basket and use this beautiful fabric featuring tuxedo cats, that I've been hoarding for years to make a basket liner.  

When I wake up in the middle of the night panicked, when I've had a rough day at work, when I feel sad, helpless, or alone and when I feel happy and thankful, I pick up a needle and sew.  

Monday, June 1, 2020

At my window.

Pappy Decker - missing since 5/24/2020
I'm still here. Still working from a 6' x 6' space in my bedroom. 

I've seen a lot of things in my 10 weeks in this space: a new fence being built by the neighbors across the way, 2 working horses being delivered to this new pasture, a barn being built, 3 people buried in the graveyard across from me with one of those people being the husband of a friend. This friend is in a nursing home and was unable to attend the burial in fact, there were only 5 people at the burial.  I didn't know that it was going to be this morning and I watched while being present in a zoom meeting that talked about how it was very likely that I will still be in this space months from now.  I'm really hoping that the 4th graveyard burial will not be a friend of mine who I just found out, was placed on hospice over the weekend.

Last Sunday, my kitties knocked out a screen that I hadn't secured and escaped.  Mrs. Bobbins was sitting right outside the window, Oreo was waiting for me on the deck, and Thimba was hiding - terrified - in the weeds beside the deck.  But no sight of Pappy Decker.  We've talked to all of the neighbors and everyone in the valley knows that he is missing.  He's such a friendly, happy cat that I'm just afraid that someone thought he would make a good pet (he would!) and decided to take him for themselves.  As much as I want him back, I just want him to be happy wherever he is. 

Right now the wind is whistling making my curtains flutter and blowing the American flags adorning the Veterans' gravestones to attention. It is sad and beautiful at the same time.

Unsettled is how I feel.  Not sad, not happy, not apathetic, just unsettled. On the surface, things are starting to feel the same but they really are not the same, nothing at all. I feel helpless - that's what I feel.  It is hard to talk to someone who refuses to listen or listens from only their perspective.  I certainly don't know how it feels to be automatically assumed guilty or dangerous or deceptive simply because of my color.  I know how it feels to be assumed to be stupid and irrelevant because of my gender and my age but I don't think that compares.  Why protest? Protest, not riot.  Because if we don't, it is assumed that we are all ok with discrimination and racism.  And we are not ok with it, we are not ok at all. 

My gosh. All I want is for us all to quit killing each and hating each other.  That, and I want my cat to come home.

Monday, March 30, 2020

Another day.

 Another Monday. The 3rd Monday of staying at home.  It's a dreary day which followed a dreary weekend with lots and lots of rain! One of things I like to do is to walk to the creek and check out the water level. This time of year the level is usually high. Every other year or so we have a flood which alternately piles logs and dams the creek and then washes all the logs away.  I'm waiting for flood waters to wash away the logs that have been hindering the path of the creek this past year.

I've done a little bit a sewing - I made a couple of face masks for my daughter. She's a nurse and is worried about sharing germs after work when she goes home.  I am making progress on a quilt that is a high priority for completing.  There's even one or two new projects I'd like to begin. 

And then there are naps. Lots and lots of naps.

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Oreo takes up poledancing.

Day 8 of working from home (I think it's 8 days, maybe more). After my feline coworkers participated in their early morning shenanigans and completed their pre-lunch and post-lunch naps, some of them felt a little frisky. 

I have ladybugs in my office/sewing room/bedroom which are fascinating to the cats. Oreo isn't really poledancing, I don't think, rather she is laser focused on a ladybug. 

It is amazing the amount of work I get done and how quickly the day passes. Since it snowed then rained then snowed today, I don't have any pictures from outside.  Yesterday however, I experienced a miracle! Just as I had given up all hope, I found 18 eggs in the chicken coop.  And they aren't too old! Still usable!  This means that I will still have fresh eggs until the new crew begin laying sometime around August!

Monday, March 23, 2020

An introvert's dream.

 Week 2 of working from home. I don't mind this one bit. It is great to live in the country because I can go outside, walk in the woods, sit on the deck and never have to worry about running into anyone. If I get tired working at my computer, I can get up and let the dogs out or simply sit and look out my windows.  I never get tired of the view.  As my lovely assistants frame the differing views today: Mrs. Bobbins watching robins bathe themselves in the puddle across the road, Thimba watching as it begins to snow - disgusted, she jumped onto the bed to nap until a sunnier day; and finally, Mrs. Bobbins once again checking out the bigger, fluffier snowflakes.  There is never a dull moment. 

Not seen is Pappy Decker who has found himself a comfy spot on a quilt rack.  Not much happens outside my windows that I or the cats do not notice. Fortunately, nothing much ever happens aside from robins bathing, roosters roaming, or cats looking through the field for food. 

I am enjoying this while recognizing that many of people are not enjoying this at all.  I'm thankful for what I have and although I am quite content where I am, I will be happy when the world can come alive again.

Sunday, March 22, 2020


Pappy Decker
 It has been an interesting week or so.  The word of the decade I'm sure will be social-distancing.  As an introvert, I'm not inconvenienced in the least.

It is unfortunate that the COVID 19 has become a pandemic. Seems to me that if things had been handled differently, we wouldn't be in the pickle we find ourselves to be in.  I think everyone knows the downside to this and when I read this post in the future, I don't want to be reminded of all the obvious negativity of our current situation.  I want to be able to read this and be able to think back to all the really good stuff that has come out of this. 

For example, right now it feels as if the world is on the same page and fighting the same enemy. I'm seeing those who have, sharing with those who do not have.  I'm seeing many companies stepping up and bending over backwards to keep their employees employed. I see businesses modify the delivery of their services and waive delivery fees, offer curbside delivery, and other little things that make a huge difference.  Over the road truck drivers seem to be getting the positive recognition that they have long deserved. Medical workers, from nurses, to doctors, to aides, to custodial staff, are getting the recognition that they deserve.  Cashiers in the grocery stores who, I'm sure, have their own families somehow manage to be pleasant.

Mrs. Bobbins
Casper 'helping'
I feel like a beautiful day outside means a little more right now. And the snow we are expecting tomorrow? I don't need to worry about having to drive in it because my employer allows me to work from home.  It's interesting that jobs that before last week, didn't seem to be as effective in a virtual environment have turned out to be extremely effective.  In fact, when we are permitted to work from our offices again, I will keep virtual meetings as an option in scheduling appointments.

I have a feeling, especially if this self-quarantine remains in effect for a longer period of time, that there will be a lot of people who look at life differently once we are ungrounded.  I can't help but feel that God has decided that we all need a time-out. The hatred that has been spewing over the past several years has gotten out of control.  From all fronts.  We are fighting so much that I don't think many of us even remember what we are fighting about, let alone what we are fighting for. 

God is still speaking. God is still in charge.

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Being thankful.

This is Pappy Decker. He is extremely sweet and has long hair growing out of his ears. He purrs almost constantly and is always the first kitty I see when I wake up. He is so sweet but when I let him, sometimes he bites me. Gently. I'm thankful for him because although he always seems to love me, there's a little bit of bite. Of viciousness. It makes me not feel so bad that the same trait is inherent in humans. I would love to believe that humans (including myself) are kind but the truth is, no matter how hard we try there is always a little bit of viciousness.

How does that relate to Thanksgiving? I'm not really sure. I'm thankful for my family, including the canine  and feline members. I'm thankful that after this week Of anxiety, it has been confirmed that my health is good.

So many things to be thankful for. So very many things. It is wonderful to be able to share this day with people I love.

Monday, July 8, 2019

Three little kittens

 I confess that I have more cats than I know what to do with.  I feed them throughout the winter and provide them protective housing.  And they've multiplied. 

I've got 10 scheduled for spay/neuter in August, I've taken in 2 of them (in addition to Mrs. Bobbins who was destined to be a quilting cat).  I've found homes for 1 of the kittens.  So now I have 3 kittens living with me and I love all 3 of them fiercely.  3 different personalities. It does my heart good to watch them play with their cat tree and with each other.  But there are others who I am trying to keep safe until they are able to get 'fixed'.  My hope is to find homes for all of the sweet little kittens, a few not socialized at all.  I'm fine with caring with the mama and daddy cats because I'm getting them fixed so not to reproduce.  But those kittens.  They will be vaccinated and cared for before hopefully going to their fur=ever home.  But I understand perfectly that they may live out the rest of their days with me.  And I'm ok with that.

Sunday, July 7, 2019

Mrs. Bobbins and Tipper

It's no secret that I madly love my little chihuahua and my cat - Tipper and Mrs. Bobbins. I love them beyond reason.  They are the lights of my life (in addition to several humans).  Because I work with the public,  I'm often  reminded of why I prefer the company of an old dog and a cantankerous cat to that of humans.  But I am really trying to be a little more social but honestly, it is just so difficult!  I find it much more relaxing spending time in my sewing room with gorgeous fabric, my sewing machine and more ideas than I could ever bring to fruition! 

It is a good time when I can spend an afternoon sewing or reading in the company of beings that require no interaction whatsoever.  Maybe it's because I spend my week talking to people non-stop.  I don't know.  I could say that it is because with Tipper and Mrs. Bobbins, I'm not judged.  But that would be a lie - anyone who has been owned by a cat knows that they are constantly being judged!

 I've been feeling out of sorts for quite a while and I think it is because I haven't written anything in a long time.  I feel as if I have no words.  But I have pictures which will suffice until I find a few more words.

Happy 4th!

 I spent this 4th of July with my dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, pony, and goat. It was so incredibly hot and humid - nearly unbearable! Th...