Sunday, January 4, 2015

Hello 2015!

I don't do New Years resolutions......I'm no more likely to stick to something on the first of January than I am any other time of year.  However, I've decided to make a couple of changes.  Possibly.  I am making a concentrated effort to find something enjoyable to occupy my time for at least 10 minutes each day.  Something that does not involve my kids.  As I've been whining about for a while now, my two middle daughters will be graduating from high school this year and will be moving on to college.  I'm not exactly looking forward to that.  I'll miss them.  A lot.  Life without them in the house next fall is going to be drastically different.  I am slowly making peace with that by returning to some of the activities I've enjoyed in the past.  Devoting time to quilting has been the biggest change - I've been trying to do some aspect of it every day and that has worked well.  I'm looking forward to a quilting retreat next fall.  I may even join a local quilt guild although I'm not much of a joiner and people pretty much irritate me most all of the time.  I know that's a lousy thing to say but it is true.  I am a counselor and I meet with students all the time.  I talk with students all of the time because it is part of my job.  I enjoy it but for an introvert, all of that talking is absolutely exhausting!  And exhaustion for me shows up as irritability.

The other change I hope to make is to accept myself for who I am.  Which seems to change minute to minute, day to day sometimes.  I see what other people accomplish and I feel like a loser.  I'm not a loser - I know that (just ask my dog!) but sometimes I feel as if I'm not doing enough.  Many times I know I'm not doing enough.

If there is to be a third change - and this suspiciously sounds like a resolution - it would be to just feel free to laugh.  Not many people get my sense of humor, which makes me laugh harder, which makes me seem even more strange.  But what the hell.  Laughing is good.

And finally, I need to figure out how to access my photos so that I can include them on my blog.  That is why I don't write much anymore.  I have two accounts - one where my pictures are and one for my blog.  And I can't combine the two.  Ugh.  I'll figure something out.

Happy New Year!

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Important words

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

 Mark Twain   

My dream was to have a farm.  Despite family members questioning my sanity, I achieved my dream - although I would say that my little menagerie of animals would hardly be considered a farm.

I had visions of goat milk soap, goat milk fudge, fresh eggs.........I did everything but the fudge.  I don't like fudge.  I've had a horse - still have a pony. I've had lamas and a cow.  I still like the idea of a farm.  And wooden outbuildings.  And fences and gates.

But I'm tired.  Not physically tired but mentally tired.   It just seems as everything is changing so fast. I have so many things I want to do that I just don't know where to start. A lot of it has to do with all the activities the kids are involved in. And I'm trying to cram all of these things in.  I want to experience and savor all of it because after this year, there will be no more.  

So what is it that I need to do now? So that I won't be disappointed in twenty years? Good question. Frankly, I just need to focus on now. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow.  I need to find my passion again.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

One thing I’ve learned during the first half of my life is that anger – unexpressed, kept inside, never spoken,never allowed to burn off –is useless.  All that it does is make the person holding the anger miserable.  It usually doesn’t bother the person to whom the anger is directed in the least.  Unless, of course, that person is your mother (not my mother - just to clarify). 

People screw up.  Good people screw up, bad people screw up.  It’s inevitable.  Most humans don’t get a redo of their life.  So the ‘right things’ done when one is in their 20’s, may have been the worst things to do in retrospect.  That saying ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life’? Well, it is true.  One can decide to be miserable and hang on to old grudges – which will never change what has been, what is, or what will be.  Or one can decide to begin  a new day. Simply. There is nothing wrong with feeling bad or wishing that life had unfolded a little differently.  When we view other’s choices through our own lens, we have the privilege of seeing the whole picture which is decidedly different than the view at the time. 

So if you are upset, angry, resentful……..that’s on you.  I’m sure that whomever you are upset, angry, or resentful with, is more sorry than you could ever know.  None of this changes anything. Life goes on. Be happy. Get over it.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Sunsets, dogs and creepers.

 So last night I heard an interesting perspective. I've always tried to make myself better, make myself more, etc.....and have been sorely disappointed because I'm just not that good.  What I heard last night was about taking away those things about yourself that don't measure up to who you should/want to be.  I took it to mean that I am already the good person I want to be, I just have a whole lot of nasty stuff I need to pick off to get to that good person.  That is a game changer for me. It is easier for me to wrap my mind around this and not feel like I am failing each day that I don't live up to my standards!

It is amazing how just restating something differently can make all the differences in the world.  It doesn't mean that this time next week, next month or next year, I won't still be trying to pick off the things that don't belong but at least it is easier for me to understand!

 All the animals are doing well.  Casper, my deaf white boxer, is still naughty.  He is still in love with me too!  He really is a sweet dog but he just has this mischievous streak about a mile long! 
In the middle bottom window, you can see the neighbor watching. He is always watching. Sometimes with binoculars.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

What country kids do.

I did grow up in a country-ish location. A small town actually. Had I known that one day I would be attending and really enjoying tractor pulls, well.....I never would have believed it.  I never really cared for lawn tractors.  A couple of reasons for that - 1. it meant mowing the lawn, 2. my mother was the queen of lawn mowing and even if I had wanted to, she still loves to mow the lawn and never really had a chance to develop a loving relationship with lawn mowing tools, and 3. ever since hearing a horrible story at church camp of a kid who cut off his foot with a lawnmower, I've always been kind of scared of them. 

But there is a culture around lawn tractors! Seriously! I've seen lawn tractors costing around $10,000.. Run on alcohol...souped up to be louder than an airboat!  At these tractor pulls which are generally held out in the middle of nowhere, there are little kids, big kids, adults - men and women.  There are grandmas and grandpas sitting on the sidelines watching the kids drag a weighted wagon as far as their wheels will go - or their engines will stay in gear - down the dirt track. 

This is serious business but such a fun time! I love it because you never know who is going to win. Size doesn't matter here.  A 7-year-old girl can easily beat at 14-year-old boy.  The fancy, shiny new tractor may come in last! Everyone has a chance.  And is it colorful!!!  Green John Deere, red International Harvester, yellow Cub Cadets, blue....well, whatever tractor is blue - not to mention the more unique custom-painted tractors. 

And it is a community - we start out with the Pledge of Allegiance.  From youngest to oldest, the caps come off the head, the hands over the hearts and we salute our flag - Under God.  There's great food and pop and lights and grass to sit on.  It puts lawn mowers in new perspective.  Oh, and at a tractor pull?????  Don't call them lawn mowers!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Two years.

I have a bunch of great pictures of my animals, plants and other beautiful things. Unfortunately I can't figure out how to connect them from the account where they are located to my blog.  I am sure that I will figure it out eventually.  The top photo is of the beautiful white tulips growing beside my house.They looks cream colored in theis pic but they truly are Snow White.  The second is of the swollen  creek at the bottom of our hill.  We have had a lot A LOT of rain lately and our creek rose over its banks.  Which is nice, because we need the rain. But which also sucks because I feel like we will never get the fence around the pasture completed.

I;ve been doing  a lot of quilting lately.  Taking a break tonight even though I had originally planned to finish at least a couple of blocks for my Dear Jane quilt.  I am allowing myself a pity party: two years tomorrow my dad passed away.  I am also just dreading, absolutely dreading, my daughters' turning 17 and experiencing so many lasts.  ie. the last Cross Country meet, last soccer season, etc.  After tonight though, the pity party stops andI will start celebrating the time we have remaining in high school and all the blessings that are sure to come as they grow into young women.  Meanwhile, my youngest son has agreed to live with me always. I am in the process of drawing up a contract for him to sign.

Eventually I will figure out how to link my newer photos here.  Life was much easier when I didn't have a phone or an ipad on which to store photos.  It was easier when I would just load pictures from my camera right onto the computer.  But as I can see, every thing changes.  My kids, my life, my blog.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Oh. Dear Jane

So this is what I've been doing lately.  I've always wanted to do a Dear Jane quilt and I finally signed up for a block of the month for a rainbow Dear Jane. I am truly spreading my wings......I used to hate paper piecing but over the past couple of months, I've had lots of opportunities to practice.  And I didn't give up.  As a result, I love the preciseness of paper piecing and may even finish the paperpieced Christmas tree skirt I started for my brother and his family many years ago!

But that's what I've been doing.  I've also had some challenges how to get my photos loaded into my blog but I seem to have it figured out.  I have lots of pictures to share: we are in the process of having a new, strong fence built around the pasture which will give the goats and Clover a lot more room to roam.  I am even thinking about buying one or two more mininubians - I really miss the goat milk and the cheese.

So I'm slowly getting back into the things I used to love to do.  One of them being writing in my blog.