Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
I've decided to visualize myself as being happy, as waking up happy, as not being upset about the craziness of my home.
But on a day like today, I don't even need visualization. It truly was beautiful, I was happy, and I was grateful. I spent the weekend with people I love. It was nice to spend time outside with the animals and even though there will be no spring babies this year, the blue sky, peaceful air, chirping birds gave the promise of new beginnings. Spring seems nearer than ever. And though I didn't like to wish away my life, I must say that I am very excited to see the new life of spring.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Interesting enough, us group of advisers tested high in 'helpfulness'. Obviously that wasn't a surprise to anyone.
But some of things reveal on the test were especially interesting to me. I scored in such a way on the sensitivity indicator that indicated that I was extremely sensitive to any type of criticism. Which is true. If anything even hints of criticsm-positive or otherwise - I beat myself up six million ways.
Another measurement (can't remember what it was called) indicated that I was more like to explain and explain and explain. True. Before I tell a story or even say something, I feel as if I have to preface everything with history.
No surprise to me, I'm very introverted. I've always known that. I've always preferred keeping to myself. To listen rather than talk.
I sat thinking in this meeting about how I communicate with my family. I know I don't consider their own communication styles. Does the way I speak with my daughter have a different affect than someone speaking that way to me? Does the way my son deal with schoolwork show up in his personality style?
No. I don't think that personality tests are the endall in figuring out oneself. But I think the tests can definitely give cause to consider some possibilities and to remind us that not everyone perceives things in the same way, processes information at the same speed, or communicates with the same motivation.
While I'm not sure that I will remember the communication tips given to us for long, I do think that the testing will affect the way I look at and communicate with the people around me.
And there's not a thing wrong with that.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
When I wake up this time of year, the dogs don't wake up - not until it is light which lately is around 6:25. I quickly fill up 4 water jugs, dampen my hair, wash my face, drink a half cup of coffee, put on my coveralls and holler to the kids for the first time to wake up. At this point, the big dogs are pacing back and forth and following me every (and I mean every) step of the way. So I let them out. I grab Birdman Joe and take him out to spend about 10 minutes outside while I feed the chickens. Now if Max, the farm chihuahua, decides to start barking at something - I have to put him in the house because once he starts barking, he won't stop.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
We have a routine, Birdman Joe and I. Every morning when I go out to take care of the horses, goats, chickens, and llama, Birdman Joe heads outside with me. He is actually quite excited to have his collar put on and to run with the big dogs. Kind of.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
I think about this alot. How white women over the age of 40? 45? just disappear. We cease to exist. We become one of those nondescript people you see - background people. We could rob a bank and no one would be able to identify us because woman over a certain age are all the same. Invisible.
There is something oddly comforting about anonymity. Sometimes. But do I always want to be invisible? Hmmmm, I'm not so sure it matters to me anymore.
Somethings that are really really nice about being my age: the thought that I may look stupid on a run with an old sweatshirt, old sweatpants, mismatched socks, stocking cap, and mittens - doesn't bother me in the least. I have progressed from simply being weird to now being eccentric. So I am told. Sometimes people believe me when I tell them something. As if I have some experience. I am much calmer than I used to be - mainly because I've lived through some pretty horrific stuff and it has passed and things are better again.
I'm glad I am where I am in life. I complain a lot. But I think that's because I am unhappy with some things, some choices I've made and I'm not sure how to change without hurting a whole lot of people or myself.
So it is okay that I've become a member of a nameless, faceless group. And here is a picture of me:
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Is it any wonder I - and such a huge percentage of other humans - am depressed? A while back, I made a decision to hide my head in the sand and not read the news. I was banking on the theory that ignorance is bliss. I found it nearly unavoidable to hide from the media and reports of all the awful things that happen in this world.
I often find myself just wanting to run and hide, to drift away, to go far, far away from the awfulness of life.
But what if I can make a difference? What if, by chance, my attitude affects just the right person? Good or bad? Who am I to give up? I become the rest of the bad news. A mortality of the media. A statistic.
I know it is sappy and it is cheesy, but I'm watching the Olympics. And I watched the new video - the 25th anniversary of We are the World. And it reminded me of the hope I felt all those years ago. How amazing it was to see all of those singers together for a common goal.
I'm not so naive to think that the answer is all that easy. But really, what if everyone else was thinking that. That it was possible to unite as one world. And I let them down because I was the only one who didn't believe.
I don't think I want to take that chance. Count me in.
Friday, February 12, 2010
The last several posts have been about the weather: the snow, the wind, the temperatures. This post will be about being under the weather. Which I am.
I haven't been feeling well. This is my third week in my new job and I think the change in work environment and the change in the weather and the increase in running mileage has formed a trifecta of events contributing to a slight breakdown of my immune system. That plus the fact that several co-workers have either had a bug themselves or one of their family members have had it.
I have always wanted to use the word trifecta in everyday conversation. I now feel complete.
Back to not feeling well. At least it is crappy out. I don't feel bad taking a sick day because a. I don't feel well; b. I don't want to continue the viral cycle; c. I can't run on trails at work anyway. So I'm glad that at least I can be at home and not beat myself up because of not running. My body is getting a well deserved rest.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
This what I see everywhere I look:
I see this, too:
None of us are impressed.
The world's largest rooster only comes out of the chicken house to eat,