Friday, October 23, 2009

If I had to do it all again . . .

I think my work may not be with humans. I think that maybe I should have focused a bit more on mathematics and the sciences and studies veterinary medicine. But humans are still attached to animals.
I love my job working with students. I think alot of that has to do with my returning to college as an adult and having children in college. My theory is that I treat students with the same respect that I would want some to treat my child.

And for the adults, I just 'get' it . I know what it is like going to college as a single parent, no money, trying to juggle multiple jobs of parenthood and student. And thinking that obviously anyone would understand.....



I have been slapped in the face with the ugly side of humans. I try to treat other people fairly and honestly. I'm not so good at being secretive and deceptive. I've never had the opportunity - or misfortune- of being in an environment with someone who truly wanted to hurt me. And was smart enough to do so without being obvious.


It's amazing. I feel threatened. I feel frightened for my family - kids AND animals. Not by anything that was said to my face but by a feeling. There is just such a feeling of negativity. I just have a feeling that this person has the ability to make my life a living hell.


I hope I'm wrong. I know that throughout my life journey I've managed to hurt people, to piss people off, to do the wrong thing, to cause pain to others. I am the queen of avoidance and many times this has not been a benefit - to me or others. But one thing that has been consistent, one thing that I know about myself, is that I do have a fairly strong instinct of the auras of others. That sounds very otherworldly and I don't mean it to be so but I can't think of another word for it.






Thursday, October 15, 2009

A new chicken house

I thought if my chickens had a better place to hang-out, new nesting boxes, more spacious quarters, then they wouldn't make me play hide/see for their eggs. Not so.




Despite all the hard work which was inspected by the farm chihuahua . . . we are still playing and hide/see for the eggs.
A friend once told me that chickens were stupid. I don't believe it. Chickens are smart. If I gather their eggs from one hiding place, they won't lay there again. Soon (I hope) they will run out of places to hide them. Or they will take pity on the old goat who travels out rain or shine, to give them goodys.

Friday, October 2, 2009

We are different . . . we are the same

I thought before I arrived in San Antonio, that I would be entering into a whole new culture. I wasn't sure what to expect--sure as heck didn't figure I would have the flying experience I had.

I suppose, I was expecting to run into a different type of human. Something exotic, something vastly different than the humans running around central Pennsylvania. Hmmm......

Not so, this is now my third day in the little five block area of San Antonion of which I've become somewhat familiar. Sure, I'm hearing some language that is different than english--but not as quite a variety as what I hear at home. Working on a University campus, I hear several different languages during a typical walk across campus.

So they don't sound different.

I recognize the same outfits worn by our teenagers back home. The fashion uniform of jeans and T-shirt worn by virtually every boy and girl in our local high school.

So San Antonians don't look different.

Three days doesn't give me time to do an indepth analysis of their beliefs, morals, character.....not that I would want to do that anyway. But I suspect that there wouldn't be much difference there either.

The land is different. The humans are fundamentally the same - wherever you go. Or wherever I go. We have the same hopes for the future and dreams for our children. We feel dispair over the same types of failures and exhilaration over the same types of successes.

It is surprising and it is life affirming. Humans are the same. From wherever we come.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Premonition

When I wrote the post, Those I Leave Behind, the title felt a little creepy to me. I'm not a great traveler. I'm money poor and I don't like airplanes. But back in June, the associate Dean of the college for which I work, offered me the opportunity to attend a conference. I jumped on the opportunity to go to San Antonio TX for a conference related to my work. Didn't think too much about the method of transportation. I had to fly.

Now some background: my father was an Air Force pilot. My earliest memory was overhearing a phone conversation of my mother that 'a plane was down and they didn't know who it was'. For 3 days, we didn't know if my dad was dead or alive. He was alive. Ever since, I've been terrified of flying. He continues to laugh at my fear.

I did finally fly at the age of 43 to Las Vegas to a conference for work. It was fine. Went off without a hitch.

This past time, however, the flight from DC to San Antonio was cancelled due to a plane malfunction and we were required to take an alternative route to Denver. So off we went. And half way through the trip, the captain spoke on the intercom that we had lost our hydraulic system and needed to make an emergency landing. I cannot put into words the stark terror I felt. I was helpless. In a plane, you can't bailout. You can't pull over. You have to COME DOWN. So we made our emergency landing - again, without a hitch. And sat in Kansas City, and flew to Dallas, and then on to San Antonio.

There are no words to describe the quiet terror I felt/feel thinking about my impending trip back home. I have friends who fly back and forth across the world without a thought. It is as natural for them as it is for me to hop in my car and go. Is my experience normal? Is this commonplace to have a plane lose its hydraulic system? I mean, thank goodness, there are more systems to back them up.

I think that when I get home, I will be happy for my little spot on earth. For my kids. For my husband (who offered to drive 1358 miles to bring me home). For my animals.

There have been a number of things in the past few weeks that have caused me to reflect on my life and what things really mean to me.

And things mean nothing. And my family and friends mean everything. And I will be very glad to get home.