Friday, October 23, 2009

If I had to do it all again . . .

I think my work may not be with humans. I think that maybe I should have focused a bit more on mathematics and the sciences and studies veterinary medicine. But humans are still attached to animals.
I love my job working with students. I think alot of that has to do with my returning to college as an adult and having children in college. My theory is that I treat students with the same respect that I would want some to treat my child.

And for the adults, I just 'get' it . I know what it is like going to college as a single parent, no money, trying to juggle multiple jobs of parenthood and student. And thinking that obviously anyone would understand.....

I have been slapped in the face with the ugly side of humans. I try to treat other people fairly and honestly. I'm not so good at being secretive and deceptive. I've never had the opportunity - or misfortune- of being in an environment with someone who truly wanted to hurt me. And was smart enough to do so without being obvious.

It's amazing. I feel threatened. I feel frightened for my family - kids AND animals. Not by anything that was said to my face but by a feeling. There is just such a feeling of negativity. I just have a feeling that this person has the ability to make my life a living hell.

I hope I'm wrong. I know that throughout my life journey I've managed to hurt people, to piss people off, to do the wrong thing, to cause pain to others. I am the queen of avoidance and many times this has not been a benefit - to me or others. But one thing that has been consistent, one thing that I know about myself, is that I do have a fairly strong instinct of the auras of others. That sounds very otherworldly and I don't mean it to be so but I can't think of another word for it.

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