So while doing a little spring clearing out of my desk this morning, I found a collection of photos of my kids throughout the years. Looking at pictures of all five of my kids from years ago, makes me more than a little nostalgic. All of those Hallmark cards are right. The little things are the big things – I know that now. Babies grow up in the blink of an eye – I didn’t believe it when I was dealing with dirty diapers and crying and spitup, but it is true. I miss every last bit of it. Nonetheless, I am trying so hard to be forward looking, full of happiness and anticipation of what my daughters’ and sons’ futures hold. I know that I have done many things right as a mother. But why am I constantly remembering all of the things I didn’t do? While my two oldest were growing up, I was attending college and working. And I thought I was being so noble because I was gaining an education. What a waste! A better use of my time would have been being satisfied with all the opportunities I had without those degrees and simply spent time with my kids. Education is great. But there are so many ways to be educated and not all require attending a school, completing assignments, and being graded.
What I love to do is sew and work with my garden and animals. I’m better at those things than I am at anything else. How ironic that I can’t get any better at it because I’m too busy working a job that although I love, anyone else could do just as well. And where did I learn to sew? And where did I learn about gardening and animals? I learned to sew from my grandmother – for free. I learned about gardening and animals by trial and error and through books – also free (more or less). I’ll be paying off my student loans forever. And will never be able to leave my job because of that. So in summary (in case I wasn’t feeling crappy enough about this), I sacrificed my time with my kids to pursue an education in a field for which I’m not well-suited which takes time away from who and what I love and to top it all off, I’m paying dearly for it. The American dream. Blah.