Monday, June 1, 2015

The small stuff.

It's a little bit cold here in central PA.  Which is a matter of perspective because actually, it feels just right to me.  It is perfect weather to curl up in a blanket with a mug of tea and revisit my childhood for just a little while. And since I started running again, a few shortbread cookies would not hurt either!

Every once in a while I think of myself as being a jerk.  Well I must not have been too bad - my sweet son who I didn't think read my blog, surprised me with these books today.  This has made my day.  Being able to retreat back into some warm memories of a time when I didn't have too much to worry about will be a welcome respite from these two weeks of anxiety aka last two weeks before my daughters graduate.

It has been a weekend.  I typically do not cry and by cry, I mean sob.  Depression does that to you - or at least the medication to treat the medication does that.  But in what was probably not the best timing for this decision, I decided to forego my depression meds.  I've always been able to tell when the depression is creeping back and have always made the good decision to take medicine when needed.  But I'm thinking that it is time to give my brain a rest.  So back to crying.......it was good, really good, to cry.  It started Saturday evening and finally ended around noon on Sunday.  And I was wiped out. I went to church, and cried. I played the piano at church, and cried.  But I feel so much healthier now.  I don't think it will be the end of the melancholy and the crying but I think I have a handle on it.

When my son graduated, I remember listening to Five for Fightings' ' 100 years'. Over and over.  Because, apparently, I wanted to tear my heart out. That lasted for two weeks pre-graduation and a fog of sadness persisted for a few weeks after.  Because I really missed him.

But he turned out well - as, I'm sure, his sisters will.  I know he turned out kind and good.  He sent me Raggedy Ann and Andy.  He gave me some of my childhood back. I love you Ryan.

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