I guess it is no secret - looking back at some of my posts - that I fight a constant battle with depression. There have been times in my life that suicide seemed a viable option. I think I was very lucky to have happened upon a really good therapist. Who said one thing to me. That made me stop and think. It has been over twenty years and although I've dealt with severe depression since, suicide has NOT been an option I've considered.
I've been "fortunate" to have seen a few things in my life since then. I've seen a mother live through the agonizing torture of having a son jailed wrongly. Fortunately after what seems to be an eternity, he is now rightfully free. (Love you, my friend).
I've seen a good friend's reaction to a suicide of a longtime friend. That is nothing I would ever want to put anyone through. I sat with her as she sobbed. And there was nothing I could do to ease her pain. Remembering makes me cry. (Love you too).
I've learned that some decisions suck. That sometimes raising teenaged daughters suck. That being married sucks. That growing old sucks - but not as much as watching your parents grow old sucks.
Everything sucks. Sometimes.
But one thing about growing older is that you realize that things change. Really. A bad time soon turns into a time that is not so bad. That we adapt to the changes and they become the new normal. That even though I'm dealing with the mood swings of a teenaged girl, that will soon pass and a day will come that I would give all that I have to get this time back.
I have learned that bad decisions often are just the thing to force us into our true dream--kind of a now or never situation. I've learned that just because I've been sad that this will change with the weather. That the sun will come out again.