Sunday, January 18, 2009

Depression

I just feel like this . . . dark, dreary, quiet.
This isn't necessarily bad - only if I continue to feel this way. But sometimes it is comforting, when I'm feeling dreary and quiet.
Because years ago, I couldn't even feel dreary. I couldn't feel. At all.
I spent so long thinking that I had to be happy every single minute that I literally drove myself crazy.
I've learned to embrace all of my feelings, good and bad. I learn to appreciate what I feel right now. And not question what I think I should be feeling.

I grew up in a wonderful family but it was always pleasant to the outside. My mom was always courteous and pleasant to everyone.

I think that it very nearly drove her mad as well. It has taken me many years to figure out that I really don't care if people think I'm pleasant. I don't work that hard at it. But having said that, I would say that most people would think me pleasant. Because I am. And I only truly am pleasant because I'm fine with revealing my feelings of unhappiness, frustration, anger.

By dealing with my feelings in the moment, then my overall disposition shines through. And that is, that I'm geniunely pretty happy and satisfied with my life.

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