Thursday, January 15, 2009

It's hell being socially retarded . . . .

I just never developed socially, I guess. Never learned how to make small talk, never learned to chit chat. One thing is for sure, in elementary school I never got in trouble for talking! I much preferred to spend time by myself reading or sewing. I spent alot of time daydreaming (still do).

How ironic that I'm a counselor. But I like that - I like that type of talk which is mostly listening. I'm good at it too. Possibly because each session has a purpose and not much is expected of me other than being there, which I am; and caring, which I do. I'm not expected to remember birthdays and I don't have to fret about should I call or shouldn't I and it doesn't matter that I didn't call. I'm simply here for them. And I like that.

How ironic that I'm a mother to 5 children. But I like that - we're connected and we don't have to explain ourselves over and over. I love being with my kids - I love to talk with them and I love our silences. I love the noisiness of our house but I really love when everyone is home but quiet. All but one of my children are just like me. One is way more like me that I would prefer. And that worries me.

Not so ironic that I'm drawn to animals. I'm kind of like them in many ways. Well, sort of......I don't speak much! I like to eat. I like to sleep. But communication with my animals isn't done in words, it is through kind acts: making sure they are comfortable, well fed, loved, petted.

It's perfect love.

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