Friday, December 31, 2010

No promises

I don't do New Year’s resolutions. I am, admittedly, undisciplined and unruly. I hate structure (unless I'm being paid), I hate feeling as if I have to do something. Recently an acquaintance suggested to me that I follow a plan for running. I've been running for nearly 20 years and I've found that whether I am training for a race or not, schedules just don't work for me. I much prefer to follow my own biorhythm and the natural flow of life: run when I feel like running, eat when I feel like eating, sleep, well. . . you get the idea which sounds all new-agey but really, it is just me being lazy and not wanting to push myself to do something when I don’t really want to do it. This attitude has definitely worked for me but it also was the cause of my dad spanking me the only time ever. Seems he just didn’t like me telling him at the ripe old age of 11 that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t feel like doing. He quickly showed me that that was faulty thinking. I came around though - having kids, having a job, and certainly having farm animals has necessitated conformity to the rest of the world. But still, just the thought that I must do something ensures that I just won't feel like.

I like to live my life in the moment - well, as much as working a nine-to-five will allow . . . Years ago, I pitched my watch. I hated living my life in 15 minute segments and even when running, I could feel when I was fresh, when I should slow down, go faster, quit....and I don't need an instrument to keep tabs on me. At any point of the year, I may make changes. Last year I decided to drink less coffee - which I love – but I’d reached a point in life when I was having some trouble sleeping. After several weeks with a much-reduced caffeine load, I was back to sleeping like a baby. At certain times of the year, I may feel the need to make other changes. But saying on day one of the New Year - without any real reason other than the fact it is the New Year---that I will no longer do this, eat that, say this - is just ludicrous for me. For other people it may work just fine but not for me. I admire those people who are able to commit and muddle through even though their heart is not really in it. And I’m not a total slacker…..I did manage to complete a graduate program which included doing some things I wasn’t really in to. But for me, my New Year’s resolution is that I have no New Year’s resolution.

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