Friday, December 16, 2016

End of beer.


I haven't had a drink since August 30th - not a sip of beer, not a nip of wine.  Did I hit rock bottom? No. Did I black out? No. Nothing happened to me.  However I found out that a friend of mine WAS involved in an accident over the summer. That friend had a couple of drinks and decided to drive.  This story isn't common knowledge. I found out about it by accident and then read about it in the paper.  I believe that this friend was just drinking so socially but then was called by a child to be picked up or taken somewhere or something like that.  And like any parent, my friend went when her child called.  Only she didn't make it to pick up her child. Instead, my friend was in a car accident and severely injured someone else.  I don't know what will happen to my friend, I don't know what happened to the person in the other call.  All I know is that there will be consequences - as there should be.
That could have been me.  That could have been anyone.  I love to drink beer, it helps dull my anxiety and my worries.  But I have kids.  I have grandkids. I have a mom.  If something would happen to one of my kids, I would go to them in an instant.  Regardless of whether I was sober or under the influence of a few beers.  I would go to them.  Any of them.
But what if I hurt or killed someone? What if I hurt or killed myself because of my drinking? Am I an alcoholic? I don't think so, I guess it depends on your definition.  I know that for a couple of weeks after I made that decision to not drink again, it was really hard to drive past the bottle shop and not pick up a six pack.  It was nearly agony over the Labor Day weekend to not have a beer and play the piano.  It's been easier over the past few months.  In fact, the only drink I've thought of is eggnog and then I remember my promise to myself and decide on a nice hot mug of tea.
It hasn't been easy - so much of our culture relates being social to hanging out and having a drink or two.  Except that I know that if I allow myself to have just 1 drink, that will be the end.  I am pretty sure that I'm seen as a bore at work - I like to be around my co-workers but they don't understand - nor would I tell them - that going to a wine-tasting or a local bar just can't be my thing anymore.
I feel so much better - my thoughts are clearer, my thoughts are clearer, I'm getting things done.

In other news, Dirt - the indoor turned outdoor turned indoor again cat - has moved into the bathroom and as a result, Sox the former bathroom cat, has moved onto the kitchen table.

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