Having it all.

I suppose I should be devastated but I am not.  I feel surprisingly free.  Losing everything is amazingly freeing.  Liberating.  I suspect that I will continue to feel this way-even after the shock has worn off.

I've always thought - from back when I truly did have an excess of money - that money was a surefire way to happiness.  Since then, I learned that the opposite is true.  For me.

I know that for some folks, money is really important.  Some people really find joy in new clothes, nicely decorated homes, big cars, and all of that.  That is fine and there is nothing wrong with that.  It is just our differences as humans.  Some of us funny humans find surviving without money to be a challenge.  With a goal to conquer.

For me, total self-sufficiency is a blessing and for what I strive.  I have my family, I have my animals, and I have my home.  And I would die to save any of them.  I said I've lost everything and that is so not true.  I've only lost money.  But there will be money again, I am sure.  A pity, I guess.  I think that I could pull off the total self-sufficiency thing.  From my eggs (not mine, the chickens'),my garden, potential profits from my cheese and soapmaking - I think I could feed my family and bring in enough money for taxes.

In two years, if we have no more setbacks and quite frankly, I don't think we could stand many more winters such as this, we should have everything paid off.  Totally debt-free. Obligations to no one.  And then, the next goal is to be off-grid.  Invisible to all.  Although at that point, the concern is whether or not I am perceived as that crazy old lady without any electricity.  And all the cats. And dogs. And goats. And horses. And the llama.

Sometimes catastrophe is not a bad thing - it is just the impetus that pushes us to the things we've always wanted but maybe were too afraid to pursue.  This is the case for me.