Tuesday, May 19, 2009

New Leaf

Turning a new leaf. This looks like an old leaf but it is new.....a maple leaf I noticed on a hike the other day.
I'm still feeling sad and really hoping that writing about it will make me feel better. But I feel like an old dog that no one wants. I don't really think that I'm falling into a deep depression because I still enjoy things. I still run. As long as I am running, I know that I'm going to be ok.
Running is so cathartic for me. It signifies so many things: running away from things that I feel bad about, running toward things I want to achieve, running and hiding, being part of nature - not hurting the planet other than by my footsteps on it. Lately though, my main purpose for running is the solitude. I refuse to use an ipod or take a cell phone on a run. I can't imagine not being able to hear the birds or the wind. I pretend a lot when I run. I pretend sometimes that I'm somewhere else: in another time or place.
It helps me to visualize breathing out bad, breathing in good. I haven't done that in a while. Sometimes I like to take my dog, Sebastian. Sometimes I like to go by myself and run very, very quietly.
And I keep telling myself that I'll be alright as long as I keep on running.

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