Thursday, May 14, 2009

Not good enough

is what I heard. I don't think that is what he said. The associate dean of our college ran into me this morning on my way in to work. I was shocked. He told me that he had offered the position to which I had applied, to which I had been asked to apply, to the other candidate.

Makes me thing that I really screwed up the interview royally. My first response - to myself - was that I didn't measure up, that I wasn't good enough for them. How many times in my life had I had those very same feelings? When my first husband cheated and left me? When my current husband cheated and lied?

When the dean told me that he had offered the job to someone else, I smiled brightly and said, "oh, that's great"! Because I sure as heck didn't want him to think that it hurt. I had, after all, told him that I loved the job I was in now. He told me that we were both highly qualified, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I've had time to think about it. And I hope that this person they've hired can treat our group as kindly as we should be treated and as we treat others. We've all come from a bad place with bad supervision up until the most recent supervisor, Christine. She has been the best supervisor I think from a supervisee's perspective but from anyone - students, parents, people around the college. She is just a good, good person. And she did really good work and made people want to be their best. I hope this new person can maintain this trend - it is why I wanted the job.

I don't feel, right now, like a loser. I am sure that I will still hurt at times. And right now I'm going to go on a long run and lose my thoughts in other matters. It says a lot about my personal growth that I'm not tempted to drink a 6 pack to deal with this or that I'm blaming myself right now. I really hope that the best person for the job has been chosen. And I will work for that person with the same enthusiasm and pride in my job as I always have.

1 comment:

katillacshack.com said...

Hi Elizabeth:

I am sorry for your disappointment. Truly.

Maybe....maybe...the Universe decided the job wasn't good enough for you...?

Know that your Highest Good is Unfolding Right Now.

love, kelee

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