Thursday, January 21, 2010

All the creatures were sleeping . . .

. . . Except for me. I can not sleep. This, too, is Mother Nature's fault (thanks mom!).

It has been springlike here in central PA. We've gone from bitter cold to deceptively bright and warm. I think we are sliding back into winter is cool enough to have a fire in the woodstove but warm enough that I'm sweating like the proverbial pig in my flannel nightie.

I can't find a reading light so I can't read. I have TV on while I'm at the computer but nothing is interesting. I suspect that much of the reason for my sleeplessness is due to the anticipation of beginning a new job. Kind of new, it is the same counseling work but with a different population of students, in a different part of campus, using different modes of delivery.

This change is exciting for me--kind of a low risk change. I will miss my coworkers although we still work at the same place but I won't be near them physically. I'll be moving into an environment from which I received very positive vibes during every communication with them. It is a move that I've been playing cat and mouse with for a couple years. So I am so looking forward to joining that team.
But what is amazing to me is the reaction I've received from my current coworkers. A couple of them have told me how much they are going to miss me. And I believe them. I've always figured that my job there has been kind of a one-way street. I've taken so much from all of my coworkers. I've learned so much and they've affected my life in so many positive ways. But I don't see why anyone would miss me.
I'm kind of non-descript and this is true. Just stating the facts. I am extremely laidback and am more of a whole picture kind of person rather than a detail type of person. My thought is how I/we affect others in the grand scheme of life and I don't fret about too much small stuff. Which really drives some people nuts. I wish I could deal with details - but the nitty gritty drives me batty, confuses me, and makes me nervous.

I can't figure out why I will be missed. Maybe it is my stories. I usually have some interesting stories about things happening on One Old Goat farm. Or about my adventures in chasing a dream for which I haven't ironed out the details. Or maybe it is the eggs I bring in as gifts from my chickens for which I can not take money but will gratefully accept a cup of coffee.

I don't know why one friend says my leaving the unit is heartbreaking for her. She is so much more worldly and intelligent than me and I must bore her to death. San Antonio was the trip of a lifetime for me and she travels regularly to Europe and beyond.
I don't know why these people don't understand that it is I who will be lacking from not being with them. They have given me so much: knowledge, friendship, support, a shoulder, the best work environment ever. That there is nothing I wouldn't do for any one of them. That they have contributed to my belief in my own self. That when my marriage was falling to pieces around me, knowing that I would be with my work family for most of the week, was what kept me from who knows what.

Family is so much more than blood relation. I am so lucky to call these co-workers family.

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